How to Find Your Tribe

It’s pretty easy to put another woman down to make yourself feel better. We’ve all done it. I feel better in the moment, but when that moment passes, I am left with a feeling that has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me.  My friendships with women have been the most challenging and the most rewarding. It has taken time and practice to allow loving and lifting her up to take the place of comparing myself and judging her. But I’m here, and I’m taking pride in cultivating a special tribe of women in my life.

As I exit my 20’s and enter my 30’s, I’ve accepted and embraced the fact that I AM EMOTIONAL. I’m sensitive. Sometimes I cry for no reason.  Sometimes I laugh and cry at the same time. It has been unbelievably comforting to forfeit apologizing for this and realizing that the woman sitting next to me at the nail salon was probably ruining her makeup with tears and blowing boogers into a tissue within the last week, too. Strong women have similar stories. I believe the less we apologize, the more we emote and own it, the more strong, supportive women we will attract into our lives. If you’ve been kicking ass on your own, without a tribe of women close to you, I LOVE THAT.  But sh*t is about to get even better. I’ve found that there are a few ways in which I have set myself up to be the magnet for the opportunities and people who take me to the next level. Have you heard your higher self?  She usually comes in the form of a challenge. She can be daunting.  But she doesn’t expect you to answer the call alone. Here’s how you can build a loving team of like-minded, strong women around you so that you can be the best you at home, at work, and on your path.

Trust your gut. If you have to force any relationship, the connection will not run deep. And hey, that’s okay. But they probably won’t be in the crew closest to you. Become aware of the peace and ease with which you connect with some.  It should feel good.  Pretty simple, right?  It can be. We overcomplicate relationships for so many reasons. But there should be a flow between you and the members of your tribe. The communication should be consistent, but not overbearing. Your tribe will create a big space for you. The space will allow for a continuous sharing of all things powerful, love-filled, hopeful, creative, honest, and passionate. By trusting your gut, you trust the space around you to become what you need at any given time.

Do the things that excite you and make you happy. Here you will find women who believe that seeking happiness is an important cornerstone in their lives.  Here you will find women who don’t wait for inspiration or for opportunities, they go out and find both in DOING. Does trying, say, SoulCycle for the first time excite you and also make you want to pee your pants? GOOD, GO DO IT.  I am an instructor at Soul, and I see these connections happening every single day. Show up and see who else shows up. I bet there is someone in class who is just as nervous, another who is just as excited, another who is actually peeing her pants, and another who is pretty darn good at it. You could relate to and learn from all four women. Seek to learn from women as you tackle new challenges.  It might not always be easy or pretty, but that energy exchange—the respect and admiration, the openness to learn, the support and encouragement—is one that plants big ol’ roots that you can use to build bigger things.

Take care of yourself. Your physical body, your spirit, your vision, your beliefs, your thoughts need YOU. Self-attention will set an intention which will send a message to the universe signaling you recognize that you are worthy of all of the good coming to you. It is not selfish, it is NECESSARY. If you take care of yourself, that gives me permission to take care of myself. Within your tribe, this kind of chain reaction could create some MAGIC. When I moved to the West Coast from New York City almost two years ago, amazing, kooky things started to happen. I started to connect with nature on a deeper level. I literally felt the movement of the ocean in my heart, I felt the light and heat of the sun clearing my mind, and the ground underneath me, the grass, the sand, the dirt, was humbling—I felt it in my gut. WACKY SH*T right!? I believed that this was my higher self calling on me to connect. So I paid close attention to the small shifts in my new life that were making more profound changes.  I truly believe connecting more often to the needs of my higher self brought me to my creative sister, Krista Williams. We knew each other in a past life, for sure. Our friendship has been SO EASY IT’S A CRIME. I learn something about her and about myself every time we are together. Her unwavering pursuit of her best self is inspiring and badass. Whether we are working out together, reflecting on where we’ve been, eating a jar of almond butter, sharing our dreams, voicing our frustrations, laughing so hard and long we forget why we started, I never take for granted that there was something much bigger that brought us together. Let the magic of these relationships blow your damn mind.  Krista and I recently launched our podcast, “Almost 30”. We are proud of the commitment, the creativity, the highs, and the lows. We are proud of the tribe that seems to be making space for “Almost 30”. Turns out, we are not alone! …And it feels so good. We’d love for you to listen on iTunes!

You are the gatekeeper of your life. Whatever is going on in your life at the moment, the great and the not so great, you let in. So go ahead and be picky when it comes to your tribe. If someone’s energy does not feel right in the presence of yours, it probably isn’t right. THAT’S OKAY! Your tribe will empower you, they will help you see love in every little thing, they will inspire you, and they will LISTEN. You are not expected to do this alone. LEAN ON, sister!


Lindsey Simcik is a  Carbon38 #Team38 Trainer and an Instructor at SoulCycle in Southern California. Check out her podcast Almost 30 or find her on Instagram, Facebook, and use her #Team38 personal link or code LINDSEYSIM50 for her discount when you shop Carbon38.

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